Tuesday, November 13, 2012


    I have had 3 goals for my adult life (aside from the basic living a good, happy life, like anyone else). They include: having a great career (in the care-giving field of course, as either a teacher, a therapist, a social worker, etc), being a wife, and of course, being a Mom.
    I have wanted to have a great career for two reasons. First, to lead a fulfilling life, and feel like I am doing something important. I mean, we all need to have jobs, so I wanted to have one that fulfilled my soul on pretty much a daily basis. And second, so that *when* I have children, I could show them that they can be anything they want to be.
   I have wanted to be a wife for two reasons. First, again to fill my soul (this time with love). And secondly, to share life with someone: giving them all that I have and am, and having someone by my side through the good times and the bad. I went through a lot of shitty times regarding men (and I don't just mean the basic bad relationships). I mean that I had very low self-esteem as a teenager. I was confident in the fact that I was a good person and had a lot to provide the world with, but I felt ugly and unlovable (as mentioned in one of my last posts). I really had a major fear, and belief that someone would be crazy to want to love me forever. Knowing that I would constantly have health issues, and that my life could end a lot earlier than average, I figured any man would be scared off in an instant. My relationships were fairly normal, but never lasted very long.
   I have wanted to be a Mommy for a trillion reasons, most of which I cannot even put into words. All I know is that this has been the only constant desire and goal in my life. I have changed career paths and I thought I would be single forever at one point in time, but I have always known that me + motherhood had to happen.

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