Thursday, August 21, 2014

Signed, Sealed, and almost delivered.

   This summer has been flying by. We have been so busy there hasn't been much time to really relax or take in all of what is going on. We have been so blessed with so much help, support, and love throughout this entire journey, and as it all comes to fruition, it is definitely overwhelming.
   Things are becoming real for Ryan and me now… really real! We have finalized our legal agreement. It went smoothly and quickly, which was great. It is signed and sealed; we just have to deliver it to the fertility clinic on our next appointment! That will be an exciting moment.We will need to see the lawyers again once a baby is on its way in order to decide whether we are going to “adopt” them or get a declaration of parentage. There are different pros and cons to each option, both financially and legally, so we have a lot of thinking to do regarding all of that. For now we are keeping our focus on the initial tasks ahead of us.
   The fundraiser is coming up quickly, less than two months to go! We will be collecting most of the donations in the next few weeks, and then we will begin to put the prizes together. I am nervous about ticket sales and people actually coming to it but I think this is probably a “normal” fear. It was the same way for our wedding social, but because of the nature of this fundraiser, my nerves are definitely acting up more. I am going to keep a positive attitude and hope for the best!
   I recently read an article describing surrogacy in Canada. It was just so perfect. It covered all the details that Intended Parents have to go through and the hoops that need to be jumped in order to become parents. It even said only 300-500 families have used a surrogate in Canada each year. That number shocked me. I knew it was low but I definitely thought it was higher than that. However, it really helped me to understand just how unique this situation is, and reminded me of how blessed we are to have a friend willing to do this, and family willing to support us.
   Yes, we are blessed, and yes we are grateful. Ryan and I are so happy, in love, and thankful for the life we have. We wouldn't change any of it because it is making us who we are, and we like who we are. With that being said, I still have days here and there where I am sensitive to different things. Like the other day, for example, someone was complaining about their pregnancy and how they just couldn't wait for it to be over. Or, when someone says to me that I am “so lucky” that I don't have to experience pregnancy. I am sure these people have no idea what their comments can do to someone going through infertility, or needing a surrogate. And I am sure they don’t intend to offend me, or anyone else. But, sometimes it does. It can hurt. It can be hard, and I don’t feel lucky in that respect. I do feel lucky that we have support and love from family and friends, and I feel extremely lucky that we have a friend willing to be our surrogate, of course, but I do not feel lucky that I have a heart condition that caused this to happen in the first place. I don't feel lucky that I won't ever know what it's like to have my own child growing inside of me. And I don't feel lucky that I have had to spend years dealing with the heartache, and tens of thousands of dollars in order to make our dream of becoming parents come true. I do understand that not all pregnancies are smooth and easy, nor can someone appreciate something every minute of every day, especially when it is wearing and tearing on their body. And for the most part, I am good at understanding that. But, there are days, when I am sensitive and these types of things can be difficult to hear or listen to. 
   I want to make this post a positive one because things are going great and we can't wait for the next few months to happen. I just feel the need to remind anyone who needs reminding that even though things are going well that it's not all daisies and roses all the time. There are still days when we are down, more me than Ryan, and there are still times when ignorant comments can get the best of me, as I am only human. These times are now few and far between, but in the beginning it was much harder. So, this reminding is not just regarding Ryan and me, but others going through infertility, trying to conceive, or experiencing any other troubles in creating a family. This can be an extremely emotionally charged topic and I hope that through reading my blog, the people who have an easy time with it remember that they are lucky, and to try to be sensitive to others. Sometimes they don’t want to talk about it, or it’s so new and fresh that they simply can’t talk about it.
   Anyway, I will finish this post off by letting you know that our next step in our surrogacy journey is to organize this fundraiser so that we can afford to do the retrieval, IVF and transfer! If all goes well, sometime in 2015 we will be announcing that we are pregnant! Ahhh!!!! My fingers and toes are crossed all the time!