Saturday, October 4, 2014

One week left...

   In a week from today Ryan and I will be preparing for one of the biggest nights of our life. We will be finalizing any last minute changes or wrapping up last minute prizes. We will get ourselves all dressed up, and we will go down to see all of our hard work, our tears and dreams come together. We will come face to face with the friends, family and community members who are all out there rooting for us, praying for us, and supporting us in our dream to have a child. Our surrogate will be there, people we don't even know will be there. I know for a fact I am going to cry because I can barely keep it together as I write this, and I am only thinking about it. Wait until it's really happening!!
    It is so, so important to us to be successful with this fundraiser next weekend. The YouCaring online fundraising page will shut down and we hope we won't need to plan another social. If you are wanting to support us but have not already, you can buy a ticket from Ryan or I, or send a donation through the fundraising page. What we make next weekend will determine if we can proceed with this dream. All donations no matter how large or small help us and are appreciated to the utmost lengths.
   It's been such a wonderful and overwhelming experience getting to this point. But, I have to be completely honest, I don't think I have felt the gravity of it all until these past couple weeks. I have tried to write blog posts but have deleted them. I don't have the right words for what is going through my mind and my heart. I have spoken so much about gratitude, appreciation and love. But those words don't even cut it. There truly aren't words big enough or deep enough to fully capture this experience, or the moments when Ryan and I stop, look around our house at all of the donations we have received, or tell each other of something kind someone has said to us, and we just hug. There are so many moments that go without mention, not because they aren't worth mentioning, but because they are too big to describe, too raw to put into words, too wonderful to know how to share.
   5 years ago when I heard 'the news', I thought my life was basically over. I didn't know how I was going to go on, or how I would be able to live a happy, fulfilled life. I lost who I was and became so angry, so cynical, so sad. I never imagined I'd be here. I am now married to the man of my dreams, have the sweetest little home, and the most incredible support system. Everyone can get down on themselves and feel not good enough. Those thoughts crept into my mind more often than not for awhile, but now, after so much has happened, so much love has been created and shared, and so much support has been shown, those thoughts don't happen anymore. Because I decided to share our story with the support of Ryan and our surrogate, and your willingness to read it and share your thoughts of love and support, I realize so many things about myself, my life, and life in general that I had forgotten. I am so thankful to each and every one of you that has read this blog, that has sent supportive, kind messages, and to everyone who has decided to donate to us or share our story with others. And I am so thankful to Ryan and D. for being on board with my sharing this in such an open way. Although it has all been from my perspective, this is their life too. At any point, had either of them wished for me to not say something, I wouldn't have. But that never happened, they both allowed me to express myself the way I wanted and needed, and have loved and supported me through it all. I am so grateful.   
   My heart is full and I am so excited for next weekend. It really is very fitting that it ended up being on Thanksgiving weekend, because gratitude definitely seems to be the theme we've got going on here. We are so unbelievably thankful.

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