One month from today until the event that *hopefully* is the beginning of changing life as we know it for Ryan and I. My emotions are all over the place as I take it all in and remember every step along the way. It's so hard to believe how far we have come. None of this would be as amazing as it is now without first having gone through some of the hardest, saddest days of my life. I am amazed that Ryan still wanted to be with me, propose to me, and marry me after seeing how sad I could really be. Without his love, support, and devotion, I don't know how I would have gotten through those first months, and years even.
This December will mark 5 years since I got the initial devastating news and he has been my rock every single day through it all. With him by my side, I was able to break the news to my family, and his family. Both of whom have supported us so incredibly much.
Having our amazing and wonderful friend offer this gift to us even before we knew what we were doing or where we stood with it all has been more than a blessing. Knowing we had her offer, and her friendship throughout all of the good and bad days made the entire road just that much easier.
I am so far beyond grateful for everything that has happened so that I can truly appreciate it, and to everyone for their undying love. I owe all of you that have been with us on this journey more than I can ever repay, or truly express.
I am so anxious to see how it all unfolds. My fingers are crossed that this dream really does become a reality, but if, for some reason things don't work out, my gratitude will never diminish. I will always know how loved and supported Ryan and I have been, and that is priceless. <3
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Completely Overwhelmed, in the Best Way Possible
To say that I am overwhelmed is an understatement. To say that I am filled with joy and gratitude is also an understatement. Honestly, there are no words to truly describe the way I have been feeling these past couple of weeks.
Things are moving right along and we couldn’t be more
excited. I am so happy, proud, and thrilled to say that we officially don’t
have any more appointments or steps to take between now and when we begin
hormones for the egg extraction! We have made it through all of the rigmarole
involved in surrogacy leading up to actually creating a baby!
We had our last appointment a few weeks ago. We
brought in our legal agreement and excitedly handed it over to the doctor for
his approval. He looked it over and gave us the go ahead. We are not able to
begin any actual steps in the egg retrieval (IVF) process until we have the
legal agreement approved by the doctor at the clinic, so, of course, we were
very happy when that was all done.
That last appointment was exciting for other reasons
too. We signed all of our contracts that are required by the clinic with our
surrogate and her husband, and went over everything that is going to happen
once we “begin” working on getting pregnant! It’s still so surreal to me that
we are actually talking about getting pregnant. It’s not in the distant future,
or something that we are going to one day do, it is really going to happen, and
soon!
I will need to take hormone treatments at home. We got
a lesson in how to do that, which, if you aren’t aware, is injecting a needle
into your belly every day for up to two weeks. I am lucky in that regard
because some women need to do it for up to a month. But whatever levels they
test, mine were sufficient to only need the hormones for two weeks. I am
grateful for that as I hate needles, but really, in the big scheme of things,
it’s very insignificant. Since I turn into a blubbering baby at the sight of a
needle, there is absolutely no way I will be able to give them to myself so
Ryan will be the lucky guy.
At that same appointment, he had to give me a practice
needle… I wasn’t sure how that was going to go but we both did great! Since our
surrogate was there with us, I held her hand tight and squeezed my eyes shut
while Ryan worked up the nerve to give me a poke. He was calm about it until
the second before actually injecting me. With my eyes closed tight I was more
attune to his voice, and just before he did it, I could hear his nerves giving
him a challenge as he said, “I’ve never stabbed anyone before.”
Haha!! Oh man… I just thought, Do it already! Then he did, and it was totally simple and quick and
easy. The nurse let us know that when doing the real thing, he will be
injecting something into me (the practice needle was empty) so it might hurt a
little more and take a few seconds longer while he makes sure he empties the
needle. I will bruise and have marks all over my belly… a small price to pay.
They will make me crazy though, I hear, and that is what I am most nervous
about. I pre-apologize to everyone for any outbursts or bitchiness I display.
And that was it!
When we left the appointment, the nurse said she will
see me next when I am coming in for blood work and an ultrasound, when we start
with the hormones! The hormones are ridiculously expensive and are not covered by
insurance, so again, we really need, and are grateful for the fundraiser.
And speaking of that, it has got me so overwhelmed. The past couple weeks have been significant as the weather has grown colder and school has begun. Everyone seems to be gearing up for fall, and therefore, thinking about Thanksgiving. The fundraiser is on Thanksgiving weekend so I guess we are also on people’s minds.
And speaking of that, it has got me so overwhelmed. The past couple weeks have been significant as the weather has grown colder and school has begun. Everyone seems to be gearing up for fall, and therefore, thinking about Thanksgiving. The fundraiser is on Thanksgiving weekend so I guess we are also on people’s minds.
We have received a lot of prize donations and sold
some tickets, and a lot of people have been asking me what else we need, how
things are going, and sending us all of their best wishes. Every single time
someone says something to me about it, I am reminded that I have told the world
about this hugely personal experience in my life. And every time, I am both a
little embarrassed and also very proud of myself. I feel embarrassment because
we need to have the fundraiser at all. I wish we were made of money and could
just do it all without having to ask for help. Unfortunately, that is not the
case and we do need the help. Remembering that brings me to feeling proud of
myself for having the confidence to be able to share this journey, the ups and
the downs with my family, friends, community, and the rest of the world. It is
definitely not easy, but I have had the assurance from more than one person
that this blog has helped them in their own life. That makes it more than worth
it. It is also so incredibly humbling to know how many people are out there
thinking of little old Ryan and I, and rooting for us to succeed. It’s a truly
unique and blessed feeling, one that I just cannot describe.
All of the people behind us, most of whom know either
Ryan, myself, or both of us, but there are also others who don’t know us at all
and are helping us out to try to create one child and that is something I never really understood the
gravity of until now as it all comes to fruition. This baby, if we are
successful in making one, is going to be a true product of love and compassion.
Although we are not making a baby the “old fashioned
way” and that has been hard to deal with in and of itself, I am now realizing
just how wonderful all of this really is. I have always believed in the
goodness of humans and the power of people caring for people, and that is the kind
of world I have wanted to live in. As things in life became more and more
complicated the older I got, the less and less I believed that such a world
could ever really exist. I am now a believer again. People do love people, and
the world doesn’t have to be such a horrible place. Strangers have been beyond
kind to us, to people they don’t know, for the sake of a baby that might not
ever make it into this world. People from my childhood that I didn’t think knew
I existed any more have gone out of their way to help us out. And those that I
thought I had lost touch with, or thought perhaps our friendship was over, have
stepped up and reminded me that it doesn’t matter how often we get together or
if we do at all, this dream is still important to them too. It’s sometimes just
more than I can take so I am so sorry if I respond to any of you in a nervous
or awkward way.
Sometimes I just can’t believe that this is my
reality. And, of course, not to mention our family and friends, who have been
close with us from the very beginning. The love and support is hugely
appreciated and does not go unnoticed. I can never adequately express our gratitude.
But Ryan and I truly, from the bottom of our hearts, thank each and every
single one of you, those who read this, those who pray for us, those who have
sent money or prize donations, bought tickets, and plan to come to the
fundraiser… all of you! We are completely overwhelmed by all of it, because of
all of you, in the best way possible.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Signed, Sealed, and almost delivered.
This summer has been flying by. We have been so busy there hasn't been much
time to really relax or take in all of what is going on. We have been so
blessed with so much help, support, and love throughout this entire journey,
and as it all comes to fruition, it is definitely overwhelming.
Things are becoming real for Ryan and me now… really real! We have finalized our legal agreement. It went smoothly and quickly, which was great. It is signed and sealed; we just have to deliver it to the fertility clinic on our next appointment! That will be an exciting moment.We will need to see the lawyers again once a baby is on its way in order to decide whether we are going to “adopt” them or get a declaration of parentage. There are different pros and cons to each option, both financially and legally, so we have a lot of thinking to do regarding all of that. For now we are keeping our focus on the initial tasks ahead of us.
The fundraiser is coming up quickly, less than two months to go! We will be collecting most of the donations in the next few weeks, and then we will begin to put the prizes together. I am nervous about ticket sales and people actually coming to it but I think this is probably a “normal” fear. It was the same way for our wedding social, but because of the nature of this fundraiser, my nerves are definitely acting up more. I am going to keep a positive attitude and hope for the best!
I recently read an article describing surrogacy in Canada. It was just so perfect. It covered all the details that Intended Parents have to go through and the hoops that need to be jumped in order to become parents. It even said only 300-500 families have used a surrogate in Canada each year. That number shocked me. I knew it was low but I definitely thought it was higher than that. However, it really helped me to understand just how unique this situation is, and reminded me of how blessed we are to have a friend willing to do this, and family willing to support us.
Yes, we are blessed, and yes we are grateful. Ryan and I are so happy, in love, and thankful for the life we have. We wouldn't change any of it because it is making us who we are, and we like who we are. With that being said, I still have days here and there where I am sensitive to different things. Like the other day, for example, someone was complaining about their pregnancy and how they just couldn't wait for it to be over. Or, when someone says to me that I am “so lucky” that I don't have to experience pregnancy. I am sure these people have no idea what their comments can do to someone going through infertility, or needing a surrogate. And I am sure they don’t intend to offend me, or anyone else. But, sometimes it does. It can hurt. It can be hard, and I don’t feel lucky in that respect. I do feel lucky that we have support and love from family and friends, and I feel extremely lucky that we have a friend willing to be our surrogate, of course, but I do not feel lucky that I have a heart condition that caused this to happen in the first place. I don't feel lucky that I won't ever know what it's like to have my own child growing inside of me. And I don't feel lucky that I have had to spend years dealing with the heartache, and tens of thousands of dollars in order to make our dream of becoming parents come true. I do understand that not all pregnancies are smooth and easy, nor can someone appreciate something every minute of every day, especially when it is wearing and tearing on their body. And for the most part, I am good at understanding that. But, there are days, when I am sensitive and these types of things can be difficult to hear or listen to.
I want to make this post a positive one because things are going great and we can't wait for the next few months to happen. I just feel the need to remind anyone who needs reminding that even though things are going well that it's not all daisies and roses all the time. There are still days when we are down, more me than Ryan, and there are still times when ignorant comments can get the best of me, as I am only human. These times are now few and far between, but in the beginning it was much harder. So, this reminding is not just regarding Ryan and me, but others going through infertility, trying to conceive, or experiencing any other troubles in creating a family. This can be an extremely emotionally charged topic and I hope that through reading my blog, the people who have an easy time with it remember that they are lucky, and to try to be sensitive to others. Sometimes they don’t want to talk about it, or it’s so new and fresh that they simply can’t talk about it.
Anyway, I will finish this post off by letting you know that our next step in our surrogacy journey is to organize this fundraiser so that we can afford to do the retrieval, IVF and transfer! If all goes well, sometime in 2015 we will be announcing that we are pregnant! Ahhh!!!! My fingers and toes are crossed all the time!
Things are becoming real for Ryan and me now… really real! We have finalized our legal agreement. It went smoothly and quickly, which was great. It is signed and sealed; we just have to deliver it to the fertility clinic on our next appointment! That will be an exciting moment.We will need to see the lawyers again once a baby is on its way in order to decide whether we are going to “adopt” them or get a declaration of parentage. There are different pros and cons to each option, both financially and legally, so we have a lot of thinking to do regarding all of that. For now we are keeping our focus on the initial tasks ahead of us.
The fundraiser is coming up quickly, less than two months to go! We will be collecting most of the donations in the next few weeks, and then we will begin to put the prizes together. I am nervous about ticket sales and people actually coming to it but I think this is probably a “normal” fear. It was the same way for our wedding social, but because of the nature of this fundraiser, my nerves are definitely acting up more. I am going to keep a positive attitude and hope for the best!
I recently read an article describing surrogacy in Canada. It was just so perfect. It covered all the details that Intended Parents have to go through and the hoops that need to be jumped in order to become parents. It even said only 300-500 families have used a surrogate in Canada each year. That number shocked me. I knew it was low but I definitely thought it was higher than that. However, it really helped me to understand just how unique this situation is, and reminded me of how blessed we are to have a friend willing to do this, and family willing to support us.
Yes, we are blessed, and yes we are grateful. Ryan and I are so happy, in love, and thankful for the life we have. We wouldn't change any of it because it is making us who we are, and we like who we are. With that being said, I still have days here and there where I am sensitive to different things. Like the other day, for example, someone was complaining about their pregnancy and how they just couldn't wait for it to be over. Or, when someone says to me that I am “so lucky” that I don't have to experience pregnancy. I am sure these people have no idea what their comments can do to someone going through infertility, or needing a surrogate. And I am sure they don’t intend to offend me, or anyone else. But, sometimes it does. It can hurt. It can be hard, and I don’t feel lucky in that respect. I do feel lucky that we have support and love from family and friends, and I feel extremely lucky that we have a friend willing to be our surrogate, of course, but I do not feel lucky that I have a heart condition that caused this to happen in the first place. I don't feel lucky that I won't ever know what it's like to have my own child growing inside of me. And I don't feel lucky that I have had to spend years dealing with the heartache, and tens of thousands of dollars in order to make our dream of becoming parents come true. I do understand that not all pregnancies are smooth and easy, nor can someone appreciate something every minute of every day, especially when it is wearing and tearing on their body. And for the most part, I am good at understanding that. But, there are days, when I am sensitive and these types of things can be difficult to hear or listen to.
I want to make this post a positive one because things are going great and we can't wait for the next few months to happen. I just feel the need to remind anyone who needs reminding that even though things are going well that it's not all daisies and roses all the time. There are still days when we are down, more me than Ryan, and there are still times when ignorant comments can get the best of me, as I am only human. These times are now few and far between, but in the beginning it was much harder. So, this reminding is not just regarding Ryan and me, but others going through infertility, trying to conceive, or experiencing any other troubles in creating a family. This can be an extremely emotionally charged topic and I hope that through reading my blog, the people who have an easy time with it remember that they are lucky, and to try to be sensitive to others. Sometimes they don’t want to talk about it, or it’s so new and fresh that they simply can’t talk about it.
Anyway, I will finish this post off by letting you know that our next step in our surrogacy journey is to organize this fundraiser so that we can afford to do the retrieval, IVF and transfer! If all goes well, sometime in 2015 we will be announcing that we are pregnant! Ahhh!!!! My fingers and toes are crossed all the time!
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
The result of being public
What does it feel like to have one of your most personal, emotional, and
life-changing situations become public knowledge? What does it feel like to
have people you barely know come up to you and talk to you about some things
that most people keep completely private? What does it feel like to have your
whole world be everybody’s business? Well, let me tell you!
At first, it was extremely difficult. It was awkward. It was scary and nerve-wracking. Sometimes it was off-putting, and other times it was wonderful. There were times when I wasn’t totally sure that I had done the right thing by sharing our story. There were times when I wanted to hide under a rock and cry, and never come back out. But those times, for the most part, are over now.
I know, reading this you must be wondering why, if it was so difficult, did I put it all out there? I know I have given reasons before, and they were all true, but now, with hindsight as this all slowly comes together, I know for a fact that it was the right thing, the best thing, and the most powerful thing to do.
I am just a regular woman trying to figure life out like everyone else, but I have a unique and moving story to tell. I have had experiences that not a lot of people get in life, and I think it would be foolish and selfish if I kept it all to myself. Life is not about experiencing things, learning, and then forgetting all about them. Life is about experiencing things, learning from them, and becoming better because of them.
For me, sharing my life, or parts of it at least, has helped me become better. This situation has helped me not only to really learn who my true friends are, but it has also restored my faith in humanity, something that was leaving me much too early for my liking. It has helped put things into a perspective that I wasn’t otherwise able to see, and it has helped me express myself to family and friends in a way that I wasn’t fully able to do just by talking. Some things are hard to say. Some reactions are hard to receive.
Having written all this out for my family and friends to read at their own leisure has saved both them and me many hard conversations, but also created many conversations that might not have happened if I hadn’t been open.
Had I just kept everything private, I would have suffered alone much more than I did. Ryan would have suffered alone, while watching me break down and not knowing how to pick me back up or where to turn. But because I had this place to come to, to let it all out, to be able to tell everyone what was going on… when I was ready… and how I wanted them to hear it, was such a relief for me. It saved Ryan having to tell people, and it saved our families from having to really talk about the toughest parts, unless or until they were ready. I opened up enough to be vulnerable, which was very difficult and scary to do, and really let people see ME. But I only opened up as I was ready to do so.
I have gathered a network of women who are going through infertility and really understand the heartache and grief that comes with such a situation. And I have gathered a group of people (much larger than I ever anticipated) who support Ryan and me and are giving us their undying love. Without making the decision to be open and vulnerable, I would never have known these people, nor would any of them know the suffering we went through, or that we were suffering at all. And of course, I might never know their suffering or loss. We are helping each other.
And, without the willingness to be open, we might never have the support needed for the situation, and the fundraising that we must do. I know I say it all the time, but the love, support and generosity of everyone is completely overwhelming and just so amazing. Ryan and I are so unbelievably grateful.
I hope that by sharing my story, I am able to help other women and couples who are struggling through infertility, and give them the confidence and strength to share their stories and to know they are not alone.
Although our needing a surrogate does not ultimately stem from an infertility issue and it took a very long time for me to allow myself to relate to that, it really is very similar. The grief and loss that is felt is the same, the worry and fear that this might never happen for us is the same, and the loneliness of not having anyone who understands is very much the same. I am not infertile, but I am grieving infertility. I am not trying to get pregnant, but am trying to make a baby. I want to give my husband a child, and I want to be a mom. It is all the same, and I am so sorry for anyone and everyone who has, is, or will go through these same emotions.
I know we aren’t yet pregnant, and that things might still go wrong. But with the power of positive thinking, a lot of faith, and some proactive behaviour, I do believe all things are possible. The sadness can come to an end, and happiness is achievable. I feel it already. I am happy. I am not sad anymore, and I do not feel sorry for myself anymore.
Through all darkness comes a light, and I can see it already. I feel it. I am hopeful, grateful, and excited. To all of you reading this, I offer a most sincere thank-you for allowing me into your life, and for coming into mine. Without this place, I may not be where I am today, and that just means the world to me.
At first, it was extremely difficult. It was awkward. It was scary and nerve-wracking. Sometimes it was off-putting, and other times it was wonderful. There were times when I wasn’t totally sure that I had done the right thing by sharing our story. There were times when I wanted to hide under a rock and cry, and never come back out. But those times, for the most part, are over now.
I know, reading this you must be wondering why, if it was so difficult, did I put it all out there? I know I have given reasons before, and they were all true, but now, with hindsight as this all slowly comes together, I know for a fact that it was the right thing, the best thing, and the most powerful thing to do.
I am just a regular woman trying to figure life out like everyone else, but I have a unique and moving story to tell. I have had experiences that not a lot of people get in life, and I think it would be foolish and selfish if I kept it all to myself. Life is not about experiencing things, learning, and then forgetting all about them. Life is about experiencing things, learning from them, and becoming better because of them.
For me, sharing my life, or parts of it at least, has helped me become better. This situation has helped me not only to really learn who my true friends are, but it has also restored my faith in humanity, something that was leaving me much too early for my liking. It has helped put things into a perspective that I wasn’t otherwise able to see, and it has helped me express myself to family and friends in a way that I wasn’t fully able to do just by talking. Some things are hard to say. Some reactions are hard to receive.
Having written all this out for my family and friends to read at their own leisure has saved both them and me many hard conversations, but also created many conversations that might not have happened if I hadn’t been open.
Had I just kept everything private, I would have suffered alone much more than I did. Ryan would have suffered alone, while watching me break down and not knowing how to pick me back up or where to turn. But because I had this place to come to, to let it all out, to be able to tell everyone what was going on… when I was ready… and how I wanted them to hear it, was such a relief for me. It saved Ryan having to tell people, and it saved our families from having to really talk about the toughest parts, unless or until they were ready. I opened up enough to be vulnerable, which was very difficult and scary to do, and really let people see ME. But I only opened up as I was ready to do so.
I have gathered a network of women who are going through infertility and really understand the heartache and grief that comes with such a situation. And I have gathered a group of people (much larger than I ever anticipated) who support Ryan and me and are giving us their undying love. Without making the decision to be open and vulnerable, I would never have known these people, nor would any of them know the suffering we went through, or that we were suffering at all. And of course, I might never know their suffering or loss. We are helping each other.
And, without the willingness to be open, we might never have the support needed for the situation, and the fundraising that we must do. I know I say it all the time, but the love, support and generosity of everyone is completely overwhelming and just so amazing. Ryan and I are so unbelievably grateful.
I hope that by sharing my story, I am able to help other women and couples who are struggling through infertility, and give them the confidence and strength to share their stories and to know they are not alone.
Although our needing a surrogate does not ultimately stem from an infertility issue and it took a very long time for me to allow myself to relate to that, it really is very similar. The grief and loss that is felt is the same, the worry and fear that this might never happen for us is the same, and the loneliness of not having anyone who understands is very much the same. I am not infertile, but I am grieving infertility. I am not trying to get pregnant, but am trying to make a baby. I want to give my husband a child, and I want to be a mom. It is all the same, and I am so sorry for anyone and everyone who has, is, or will go through these same emotions.
I know we aren’t yet pregnant, and that things might still go wrong. But with the power of positive thinking, a lot of faith, and some proactive behaviour, I do believe all things are possible. The sadness can come to an end, and happiness is achievable. I feel it already. I am happy. I am not sad anymore, and I do not feel sorry for myself anymore.
Through all darkness comes a light, and I can see it already. I feel it. I am hopeful, grateful, and excited. To all of you reading this, I offer a most sincere thank-you for allowing me into your life, and for coming into mine. Without this place, I may not be where I am today, and that just means the world to me.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Busy Making Plans
They say that life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. Isn’t that
the truth? As I sit down to write this, I am completely overcome with emotion…
I’m not quite sure how I am going to get through it, but here goes…
Life has been so busy that I have found myself staying up later at night and getting up earlier in the mornings just to have some “me” time. I do understand that when/if a child comes into our life I am going to laugh at myself for having felt this way as a childless person. But, I plead ignorance at this point. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone waiting on me for their every need 24/7. When that does happen, I am sure I will appreciate the time I have now, even though it currently doesn’t feel like I have any.
Some wonderful, and some not so wonderful things are going on in this busy life. I will start with the not so wonderful. My sister was in a pedestrian vs. car accident while walking across the street a couple months ago. It was scary for sure, but she recovered from her injuries like a champ. She was doing well until a couple weeks ago when she was admitted to the hospital again, this time with a badly infected leg and blood infection. That, too, has cleared up, but other health concerns have come up and it looks like she will be in hospital for a few weeks more. She is such a trooper and a huge inspiration to me. She has been through so much challenge in her life, I often feel the hand she was dealt is grossly unfair.
When times are tough, I think of her and all she has been through, and I know I will be okay no matter what. It has been difficult worrying about her, but there have also been some great things happening that help in dealing with the bad.
Ryan’s sister had a baby girl in May. She’s beautiful and healthy and such a precious little gift. We are so excited to be aunty and uncle to her.
My brother and his wife purchased their first home in Winnipeg and are anxiously waiting for the arrival of their second little bundle in July.
We have four weddings to attend this summer, and that’s fantastic because we both love celebrating love. We also have a family reunion to attend for each side of our family this summer. It will be nice to connect, and reconnect with our families. It doesn’t look like the business of life is going to slow down any time soon.
Along with all of that going on, we are still on the baby road. We have completed the information session, the counseling, and have a clear-cut timeline regarding when the legal agreement needs to be finished, when the extraction will take place, and a pretty good idea as to when the transfer will happen! Forgive us but we want to keep some elements of all this private, so no sharing of dates for now. We will let you know that part when we are ready!
But, I am extremely excited to let you know that we have two fundraisers happening. We have created an online fundraiser through the website called YouCaring. It’s similar to Kickstarter or GoFundMe. This donation page (using PayPal) can be shared via social media, and is a great way to donate to personal situations. We are grateful for any and all donations we receive. Even if you are unable to support us but are interested in donating to other causes, I highly recommend that you check out YouCaring because there are so many people who can use financial help. The causes can be anything from medical bills to personal endeavours, to weddings, and everything in between. The link is at the end of this blog posting.
We have also decided to have a live fundraiser on October 11th. We are hoping that will be where we will receive the largest gift toward offsetting our medical and legal fees. It will be similar to a wedding social. With the date and a location booked we are now ready to gather prizes. Again, we are beyond grateful for any and all donations that are sent our way. We don’t have tickets printed up just yet because we only just booked everything this week. We hope to have some printed and available in the next few weeks so that you ALL can come out and help us celebrate love and facilitate a new life.
As unfortunate as it is that we need to take the surrogacy route, and that we need to have a fundraiser to afford it, we are elated that it is all coming to fruition! We are feeling very, very lucky for all the love and support we have surrounding us through the process, and we are extremely excited to celebrate the creation of our baby with our friends and family. We simply cannot wait for the day we can announce a viable pregnancy.
So, yes, life is happening while we are busy planning our future. We are incredibly happy, blessed, and thankful for where we are and the path we are on. We cannot thank you all, our family and our friends enough for the support we have already received and are confident will continue throughout the process. And, of course, we don’t even have the proper words to thank our surrogate, her husband, and their family enough.
We hope to see everyone that wants to support us in the fall at the fundraiser and, in the meantime, that you, too, are all enjoying your busy lives!
http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/the-largest-of-blessings-are-those-that-are-small-/195262
Life has been so busy that I have found myself staying up later at night and getting up earlier in the mornings just to have some “me” time. I do understand that when/if a child comes into our life I am going to laugh at myself for having felt this way as a childless person. But, I plead ignorance at this point. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone waiting on me for their every need 24/7. When that does happen, I am sure I will appreciate the time I have now, even though it currently doesn’t feel like I have any.
Some wonderful, and some not so wonderful things are going on in this busy life. I will start with the not so wonderful. My sister was in a pedestrian vs. car accident while walking across the street a couple months ago. It was scary for sure, but she recovered from her injuries like a champ. She was doing well until a couple weeks ago when she was admitted to the hospital again, this time with a badly infected leg and blood infection. That, too, has cleared up, but other health concerns have come up and it looks like she will be in hospital for a few weeks more. She is such a trooper and a huge inspiration to me. She has been through so much challenge in her life, I often feel the hand she was dealt is grossly unfair.
When times are tough, I think of her and all she has been through, and I know I will be okay no matter what. It has been difficult worrying about her, but there have also been some great things happening that help in dealing with the bad.
Ryan’s sister had a baby girl in May. She’s beautiful and healthy and such a precious little gift. We are so excited to be aunty and uncle to her.
My brother and his wife purchased their first home in Winnipeg and are anxiously waiting for the arrival of their second little bundle in July.
We have four weddings to attend this summer, and that’s fantastic because we both love celebrating love. We also have a family reunion to attend for each side of our family this summer. It will be nice to connect, and reconnect with our families. It doesn’t look like the business of life is going to slow down any time soon.
Along with all of that going on, we are still on the baby road. We have completed the information session, the counseling, and have a clear-cut timeline regarding when the legal agreement needs to be finished, when the extraction will take place, and a pretty good idea as to when the transfer will happen! Forgive us but we want to keep some elements of all this private, so no sharing of dates for now. We will let you know that part when we are ready!
But, I am extremely excited to let you know that we have two fundraisers happening. We have created an online fundraiser through the website called YouCaring. It’s similar to Kickstarter or GoFundMe. This donation page (using PayPal) can be shared via social media, and is a great way to donate to personal situations. We are grateful for any and all donations we receive. Even if you are unable to support us but are interested in donating to other causes, I highly recommend that you check out YouCaring because there are so many people who can use financial help. The causes can be anything from medical bills to personal endeavours, to weddings, and everything in between. The link is at the end of this blog posting.
We have also decided to have a live fundraiser on October 11th. We are hoping that will be where we will receive the largest gift toward offsetting our medical and legal fees. It will be similar to a wedding social. With the date and a location booked we are now ready to gather prizes. Again, we are beyond grateful for any and all donations that are sent our way. We don’t have tickets printed up just yet because we only just booked everything this week. We hope to have some printed and available in the next few weeks so that you ALL can come out and help us celebrate love and facilitate a new life.
As unfortunate as it is that we need to take the surrogacy route, and that we need to have a fundraiser to afford it, we are elated that it is all coming to fruition! We are feeling very, very lucky for all the love and support we have surrounding us through the process, and we are extremely excited to celebrate the creation of our baby with our friends and family. We simply cannot wait for the day we can announce a viable pregnancy.
So, yes, life is happening while we are busy planning our future. We are incredibly happy, blessed, and thankful for where we are and the path we are on. We cannot thank you all, our family and our friends enough for the support we have already received and are confident will continue throughout the process. And, of course, we don’t even have the proper words to thank our surrogate, her husband, and their family enough.
We hope to see everyone that wants to support us in the fall at the fundraiser and, in the meantime, that you, too, are all enjoying your busy lives!
http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/the-largest-of-blessings-are-those-that-are-small-/195262
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
It takes a village
It is time for an update again so here it is!
We had our appointment to get the
results from all of our blood work… and Ryan’s “swim-up” test. Leading up to
the appointment, we both felt great. We weren’t worried about our results,
though we knew that if they were bad the road we were on would come to an end
and we, most likely, would fall apart emotionally.
We talked a little about what we would do if we did have negative results, but neither of us truly felt that that would happen. We maintained a very hopeful, positive, and calm attitude right up to the day of the appointment. That day, Ryan was still calm, as usual, but I was suddenly very nervous. It started to sink in that we could get more bad news that day and our dreams of having a child might never come to fruition.
Luckily, the appointment was in the morning so I didn’t have all day to work myself up, only a few hours… Our intuitions were right and we got great news! All of the results came back positive and we were given the “go ahead” to continue moving forward!
We talked to the doctor for a while about what our next steps were going to be. The doctor went into detail about everything that is going to happen and told us we could register to get my eggs retrieved! Wow!!
Diane’s first appointment to meet the doctor was coming up in a few weeks so we decided to wait until then before we registered. We left the appointment feeling elated, and since we both had the day off from work, we went out for a celebratory lunch. On the way to the restaurant, we called Diane to give her the good news and we all cheered and celebrated. At that moment it really began to sink in that this whole thing could all actually happen.
Over lunch, Ryan and I talked about becoming parents, how happy we were, and how to begin fundraising! Once you are registered for egg retrieval, all the money and legal agreements need to be ready because the clinic won’t do anything until they are paid in full and they have seen our agreement. We called our parents, who were all completely over the moon, and we enjoyed the excitement of the day.
Diane came into town for her appointment a few weeks later and stayed with us. It was so nice to spend time with her and talk all things surrogacy and baby! As luck would have it, I came down with the flu her first night with us and the next day was the appointment! I sucked it up enough to go the appointment with her, and Ryan surprised us by coming along too.
The appointment went great and the reality sunk in even more. Diane’s results were good and she was given some other standard tests. I registered for my egg retrieval, which I was actually really nervous about because I didn’t know what kind of timeline we were looking at between registering and when it actually would happened. It turns out it’s a four-to-five month wait so, although I want it all to happen as fast as possible, it’s a good amount of time because we have so much to do and to organize in the meantime!
We are approved to move ahead with Diane, so we are now waiting to get our mandatory counselling session. The number of sessions we need apparently depends on the couple but the counsellor said he anticipates it being just one for us. He explained why it’s mandatory and shared some examples of families using coercion for their surrogates as “bait.” For example, one couple had a family member who was willing to do it but lived in another country and wanted to move to Canada. During the first appointments everything seemed fine but during the counselling, it came out that the couple she was going to carry for were going to let her live with them, and pay for her to move here. But the only way they would do that for her was if she carried the baby for them.
That is clearly not a typical situation but because things like that happen, the counselling is mandatory. It seems crazy to me that people would try to use any of this as a bargaining tool with someone else, but at the same time, I totally understand how people are willing to do anything to make their dreams come true, especially dreams of a family. Anyway, that stuck with me and made me just that much more grateful for Diane for being so giving, selfless, and loving.
Along with the counselling, before the egg retrieval can happen we have to have a legal agreement written up by lawyers, which will cover all of the details about everything from the transfer to pregnancy to the birth plan to what happens after birth. Every province has different laws regarding whose name goes on the birth certificate and things like that. In Manitoba, it doesn’t matter whose DNA the baby has. It’s who gives birth to the baby so Diane’s name will go on the birth certificate. We will have to deal with all of that legally as well.
The other thing that needs to happen before the retrieval is that we need to somehow come up with $20,000. Raising that amount of money in such a short time is going to be our biggest hurdle to date. It’s the part that has me the most stressed out. I have so much faith that the transfer will take, that the pregnancy will go smoothly, that both Diane and baby will be okay through it all, and that everything will work, but paying for it has me so worried.
We have decided to have a fundraiser, similar to a social, but where, when, and how are still up in the air. It’s a little overwhelming trying to figure it all out and, to be completely honest, a little depressing that we even need to do it. But, hopefully, we’ll be able to raise the money we need by the time we need it so Diane can give us the gift of parenthood, and we can give the world an amazing little person. The saying, “It takes a village to raise a child,” goes through my head all the time because for us, it’s going to take at least a village to make this child.
All of the science behind it all is so unreal to me. It is just so amazing that this is even possible. It makes me think about the fact that I have a pacemaker in my chest that is keeping me alive. A battery installed next to my heart is the very thing that lets me write this blog, have the life I have, and my dreams to fulfill. I am so unbelievably grateful I cannot express or describe it in words. I am a living, breathing, thriving example of what science can achieve, and if we end up having a baby via surrogacy, he or she, too, will be another example.
So we are ready, and this is actually happening. We are truly on our surrogacy journey, officially, totally and completely! We aren’t just waiting to find out if we can do it, we are doing it. At this point, the only things that will stop us are not having the money, not getting good enough eggs from the extraction, or if the transfer doesn’t take. We are hopeful that none of these things will happen and we are maintaining a very positive attitude.
While she was in town, Diane and I even dragged Ryan through a high-end baby furniture store to “dream” a little. He was a pretty good sport, and since then has become more and more excited and open about the entire thing. He’s always good and happy, but he doesn’t really get excited—pretty quiet about it all. But even that seems to be changing, and watching his excitement grow makes mine grow even more. It is still really scary of course, and we know that it still might not work out. I think we find it easier to get excited when it’s just the two of us (or three when Diane’s here). When other people get excited, I find myself trying to talk them down and help them realize it might not happen. I feel like I will be disappointing so many people if this doesn’t work out so I don’t want them to get their hopes up too high. It’s such a fine line between being excited and being realistic.
It’s still a long road ahead, with a huge financial bump to get over. I am adding a breakdown of the costs to help you all understand where all of the money needs to go. It sounds crazy when we say we need $20,000, but it adds up quickly! We’ve had so many people ask us just where it goes and what it’s for so, hopefully, this will help to put it into perspective.
We talked a little about what we would do if we did have negative results, but neither of us truly felt that that would happen. We maintained a very hopeful, positive, and calm attitude right up to the day of the appointment. That day, Ryan was still calm, as usual, but I was suddenly very nervous. It started to sink in that we could get more bad news that day and our dreams of having a child might never come to fruition.
Luckily, the appointment was in the morning so I didn’t have all day to work myself up, only a few hours… Our intuitions were right and we got great news! All of the results came back positive and we were given the “go ahead” to continue moving forward!
We talked to the doctor for a while about what our next steps were going to be. The doctor went into detail about everything that is going to happen and told us we could register to get my eggs retrieved! Wow!!
Diane’s first appointment to meet the doctor was coming up in a few weeks so we decided to wait until then before we registered. We left the appointment feeling elated, and since we both had the day off from work, we went out for a celebratory lunch. On the way to the restaurant, we called Diane to give her the good news and we all cheered and celebrated. At that moment it really began to sink in that this whole thing could all actually happen.
Over lunch, Ryan and I talked about becoming parents, how happy we were, and how to begin fundraising! Once you are registered for egg retrieval, all the money and legal agreements need to be ready because the clinic won’t do anything until they are paid in full and they have seen our agreement. We called our parents, who were all completely over the moon, and we enjoyed the excitement of the day.
Diane came into town for her appointment a few weeks later and stayed with us. It was so nice to spend time with her and talk all things surrogacy and baby! As luck would have it, I came down with the flu her first night with us and the next day was the appointment! I sucked it up enough to go the appointment with her, and Ryan surprised us by coming along too.
The appointment went great and the reality sunk in even more. Diane’s results were good and she was given some other standard tests. I registered for my egg retrieval, which I was actually really nervous about because I didn’t know what kind of timeline we were looking at between registering and when it actually would happened. It turns out it’s a four-to-five month wait so, although I want it all to happen as fast as possible, it’s a good amount of time because we have so much to do and to organize in the meantime!
We are approved to move ahead with Diane, so we are now waiting to get our mandatory counselling session. The number of sessions we need apparently depends on the couple but the counsellor said he anticipates it being just one for us. He explained why it’s mandatory and shared some examples of families using coercion for their surrogates as “bait.” For example, one couple had a family member who was willing to do it but lived in another country and wanted to move to Canada. During the first appointments everything seemed fine but during the counselling, it came out that the couple she was going to carry for were going to let her live with them, and pay for her to move here. But the only way they would do that for her was if she carried the baby for them.
That is clearly not a typical situation but because things like that happen, the counselling is mandatory. It seems crazy to me that people would try to use any of this as a bargaining tool with someone else, but at the same time, I totally understand how people are willing to do anything to make their dreams come true, especially dreams of a family. Anyway, that stuck with me and made me just that much more grateful for Diane for being so giving, selfless, and loving.
Along with the counselling, before the egg retrieval can happen we have to have a legal agreement written up by lawyers, which will cover all of the details about everything from the transfer to pregnancy to the birth plan to what happens after birth. Every province has different laws regarding whose name goes on the birth certificate and things like that. In Manitoba, it doesn’t matter whose DNA the baby has. It’s who gives birth to the baby so Diane’s name will go on the birth certificate. We will have to deal with all of that legally as well.
The other thing that needs to happen before the retrieval is that we need to somehow come up with $20,000. Raising that amount of money in such a short time is going to be our biggest hurdle to date. It’s the part that has me the most stressed out. I have so much faith that the transfer will take, that the pregnancy will go smoothly, that both Diane and baby will be okay through it all, and that everything will work, but paying for it has me so worried.
We have decided to have a fundraiser, similar to a social, but where, when, and how are still up in the air. It’s a little overwhelming trying to figure it all out and, to be completely honest, a little depressing that we even need to do it. But, hopefully, we’ll be able to raise the money we need by the time we need it so Diane can give us the gift of parenthood, and we can give the world an amazing little person. The saying, “It takes a village to raise a child,” goes through my head all the time because for us, it’s going to take at least a village to make this child.
All of the science behind it all is so unreal to me. It is just so amazing that this is even possible. It makes me think about the fact that I have a pacemaker in my chest that is keeping me alive. A battery installed next to my heart is the very thing that lets me write this blog, have the life I have, and my dreams to fulfill. I am so unbelievably grateful I cannot express or describe it in words. I am a living, breathing, thriving example of what science can achieve, and if we end up having a baby via surrogacy, he or she, too, will be another example.
So we are ready, and this is actually happening. We are truly on our surrogacy journey, officially, totally and completely! We aren’t just waiting to find out if we can do it, we are doing it. At this point, the only things that will stop us are not having the money, not getting good enough eggs from the extraction, or if the transfer doesn’t take. We are hopeful that none of these things will happen and we are maintaining a very positive attitude.
While she was in town, Diane and I even dragged Ryan through a high-end baby furniture store to “dream” a little. He was a pretty good sport, and since then has become more and more excited and open about the entire thing. He’s always good and happy, but he doesn’t really get excited—pretty quiet about it all. But even that seems to be changing, and watching his excitement grow makes mine grow even more. It is still really scary of course, and we know that it still might not work out. I think we find it easier to get excited when it’s just the two of us (or three when Diane’s here). When other people get excited, I find myself trying to talk them down and help them realize it might not happen. I feel like I will be disappointing so many people if this doesn’t work out so I don’t want them to get their hopes up too high. It’s such a fine line between being excited and being realistic.
It’s still a long road ahead, with a huge financial bump to get over. I am adding a breakdown of the costs to help you all understand where all of the money needs to go. It sounds crazy when we say we need $20,000, but it adds up quickly! We’ve had so many people ask us just where it goes and what it’s for so, hopefully, this will help to put it into perspective.
Egg
retrieval Registration:.......................................................................................... $550
Gestational
Carrier IVF Cycle with ICSI:................................................................ $8800
Subsequent
Thaw, ICSI, Embryo Culture & Transfer:........................................ $3500
Our
Lawyer fees:........................................................................................ $2500
(approx)
Diane’s
Lawyer fees:................................................................................. $1500
(approx)
Misc.
expenses including medication, flights, clothes, etc.:............... $5000 (approx)
TOTAL:.................................................................................................................... $21,850
ICSI is an extra step in the
fertilization stage that the doctor said we will need in order to help ensure a
viable pregnancy. Though all of our results were good, there were some factors
that led to us needing to use this extra step. We were also not given a
financial number as to what my medical costs will be for the hormones I will
need, but we were told they are expensive.
By law we cannot pay a surrogate for her “services” because it is considered an altruistic act. I love this law because I do believe it should be an altruistic act. I mean, this is life we are talking about, not buying a car or something.
However, I also think we should be able to show our gratitude and appreciation for the sacrifices our surrogate will be making for us. It is common practice that the Intended Parents pay for travel expenses, medical expenses, lawyer fees, reimbursement for maternity clothes, and any other out-of-pocket costs the surrogate will undergo. This is something we will cover in our legal agreement. Of course, we would give the world to Diane if we could.
So, where do we go from here? Well, we
wait for our counselling appointment, we try to arrange lawyers, and Diane has
to undergo some further, more invasive testing. And we plan a fundraiser. We
will be looking for and accepting any donations, or ideas for fundraising that
may come our way. Once we have the details organized, I will write a post about
that too!
By law we cannot pay a surrogate for her “services” because it is considered an altruistic act. I love this law because I do believe it should be an altruistic act. I mean, this is life we are talking about, not buying a car or something.
However, I also think we should be able to show our gratitude and appreciation for the sacrifices our surrogate will be making for us. It is common practice that the Intended Parents pay for travel expenses, medical expenses, lawyer fees, reimbursement for maternity clothes, and any other out-of-pocket costs the surrogate will undergo. This is something we will cover in our legal agreement. Of course, we would give the world to Diane if we could.
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